I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.