I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.