i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize