I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
