just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
