I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
