Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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