he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
