he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
