Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
