Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
