Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
