Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
