Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
