Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
