I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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