Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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