It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
