i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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