Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
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