There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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