making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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