David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
