dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
