I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
