Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
