oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I didn't notice because vodka
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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