I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
