Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
