is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
