So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The Olympian is in my bed
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
