just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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