he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize