I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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