Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
