He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
