If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
