Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
