The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
