call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
