hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
