someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
