Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
