I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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