Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
