I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
