I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
