Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
