I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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