hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
