Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
