genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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