i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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