You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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