i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
