can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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