My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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