After last night, I could never be a politician.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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