Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
