We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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