I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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