Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
