Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
